The Soldier Next Door

07:30All content © N/.ôvel/Dr/ama.Org.

I have just watched two Humvees from our group swerve off the road and crash as they attempted to avoid the incoming fire from the enemy. Gibbs is desperately trying to make contact to confirm if all is alive.

Right now, everything looks bleak as we are surrounded by more enemy than what we can handle.

But as I look past Williams to the other side of the road, I can see a truck that has been crushed by one of the enemy’s tanks. There I can sadly say, if they were not fast enough to get out and avoid enemy fire as well, then they are all gone.

There seems by the radio that does come in and from what we can see between the chaos around us, only three remaining vehicles.

We are sitting ducks.

And this pond is far too big for us to navigate around in.

Is this how it is going to end for this small group of Marines?

Were we, in fact, too arrogant and too at ease when we set on this mission?

This is not how I want my life to come to an end. Needless to say, not even my career as a Marine. I do not want to be known as the group of Marines and Soldiers that missed a turn-off and got slaughtered in return. This is not how I want to leave a legacy. This is definitely not how I want the story of my life to be told to my son.

I am not going to die in this fucking shithole of a city.

I cannot, and I will not.

I need to get these Marines out of here while we still have a fighting chance.

So with that newfound urgency that I only seem to get when I am nearly about to fucking die, I look at Gibbs, “We need to set up a perimeter until we can get Marines in here to get us out of here. Gibbs, radio the rest of the guys at the back while I get hold of Ray.”

With that, I get onto the radio with Ray, “Ray, we need those damn Cobra’s here. All the other guys are out. It is just two Humvees and one HEMTT. We are going to get ourselves off in a corner so that we do not have anyone at our back. Just get someone out here.”

Ray comes crackling back over the radio with a rather relieved voice, “Thank god, I thought you guys were out. I am sending in a fresh group of Marines now. Just hang in there until we can get there. There should be another group of tankers moving in just as we speak to get the fire off you guys and look for some of Group Two that had to bail out of their vehicles.”

“What? Do you want to tell me that there are Marines on foot in here?”

“Yes, unfortunately so, but you guys can’t go looking for them. Just hang in there; the cavalry will be there soon.”

“Make it fucking sooner.”

With that, I drop the radio and listen to Gibbs as he directs the rest of our group down a small street with a dead-end at the bottom. From a distance, we watch as two tankers come in from the north side of the City.

“Well, am I guessing that is the cavalry?”

“Fuck,” Gibbs gasps as he looks in the same direction, “I bloody well hope not so.”

“Ya, cause then we are fucked.”

“Hey, you better watch that mouth of yours.”

“I will start watching it as soon as I get our asses out of here alive.”

08:00

We are safely pushed off on a side street as the gun battle has now moved mainly to a set of two more tanks that have joined the others. Though sadly we are still taking fire, I have crazily enough manned the machine gun again and are now taking aim at anything that seems like they are making their way into our direction.

With each jolt that the rapid-fire send through my body, I count the seconds that I am closer to getting home. I must honestly say that this is still, and how fucked up it does sound, but this is still the best feeling in the world.

Perhaps we did not come out here to make a difference in this way, but hey, I do not think that this ambush was planned. I guess they just saw us coming, being lost and all, and took advantage of the moment.

So, yes, this is not a proud moment, but the only aim now is to get these men home. As from what I have gotten news from Ray, we have had eleven Marines that have been killed; we, unfortunately, can’t account for six and have several that are severely wounded. That means not a single one of the men here is getting a hair harmed on their heads. There has been enough carnage for the day.

We need to get out of here.

And it is only that thought that consumes me as I keep pumping rapidly towards any moving thing that does not look like a Marine or a Marine vehicle itself.

We cannot do what we do best. We cannot go out there and fight, so we will do what we do second best…We do not leave a man behind.

We will not be left behind today.

And that is what definitely gets pressed firm into my head as I watch a Marine tanker come towards us with a Cobra hovering above head.

There, much to anybody able to help themselves, there is an “Oorah” that flows from the mouth of every relieved man in the Humvee. As they finally pull up in front of us, I step down from where I was manning the machine gun and make the very bold move to step outside of the Humvee to go greet who will always be seen as our savior.

Much to my shock, I watch as Ray sticks his head through the hole and looks at me with a dumbfounded look on his face, “Get the fuck back into that Humvee. Have you got a damn death wish?”

I only but chuckle at him as I get back behind the wheel of the Humvee just as a group of two more tanks comes to join us.

08:30

We are tucked in the middle with three tankers and a HEMTT surrounding us, taking us to safety from what will be a day that neither one of these Marines will forget. This has, as with every other mission that I have gone on, it has reminded me of how quickly your life can change in an instant. How what you value the most in your life gets taken away. I think, in a way, I should be learning a lesson from this, well, maybe for once and for all?

But then again, I am not done learning lessons yet.

Though ones like these where death stares you in the face might not happen so soon again, there are other lessons that I definitely will come and have learned.

The thing, though, is, what do I do about the lessons that I have learned and have turned out the same every time?

Do I do it again and hope that there is a different ending?

Do I really want to put myself through a world of pain again? What I do need to remind myself is that is sometimes things just don’t change and that I need to make peace with that. Which I think, in a way, I have already made my peace with.

Perhaps that is why I still have not read the rest of this letter that has not even felt like it is burning a hole in my pocket. All I know is that I have a son to think of now, and I need to realize that what is good for him is the only thing that matters. That sometimes, what I want will need to be put aside.

But…

I am soon ripped from my thoughts as we hit the open road again, clear out of the chaos that has just erupted in a City that I will never forget. At least, this time, we did not lose as many Marines as we had in Fallujah, but something gives me the idea that we are not going to let this attack just go unpunished.

We will go back to get our revenge. Perhaps not me, but we are going to return to this City and show them that we did not run away; we just want to recharge our batteries and come return the hospitality that we received.

I am always going to be a Marine.

I am always going to love this life.

I will be back one day.

Maybe not tomorrow.

Maybe not the next deployment.

But I will be back one day.

Though back to now, after the happiest drive of my entire life, we get to camp where most of the other Marines are waiting for us. The very moment we step outside of the Humvee, there is a cheer that fills the air. We did not kill many of the enemy, but we stood our ground, and we got out of there alive.

I highly doubt and not that I wish to think that it is the decisions that I have made, but if we did not go hide in that little corner away from a greater attack, then we would not be standing here to tell that story.

Now what one should not get wrong, and what I should rephrase, we did not hide; we just found a more tactical advanced spot to return the best effort that we could in the battle. And that is why we are now faced with a group of over the hundred Marines that only has one word that binds us together.

“Oorah.”

17:00

I am once again in the quiet of my tent.

The excitement has now calmed down, and I am beyond exhausted. Though I do now have that urge to read the rest of what Ana had to say. But as I said before, do I want to do this to myself?

Do I want this for my son?

I don’t think so.

I will return home, and perhaps I might even really leave that letter behind here and forget that it and she ever existed. I owe that to my heart.

I am tired of being a broken man.

Fuck, I am a broken soldier, and that I have proven over again.

But a broken man?

That I never want to be, especially when it comes to a man that needs to be a father.

Ana was a time of my life when I was trying to find myself. Going home the way I did after my first accident was a very hard and trying time for me. And I guess that, in a way, I walked into the relationship with her far too quickly, for I knew I was broken, and I was looking for something to make me whole so desperately that I was not truly thinking straight.

The thing about my relationship with her, she did not only hurt me once, but she also did it more than one too many times. I am sure she has her reasons for why she did the way she did things, but there is one thing, just one thing that she should have never done.

She should have never left her son.

And that…

That is why I will not open the rest of this letter.

That is why I will not forgive her.

I am happy to be a single dad.

I am happy to be single for the rest of my goddamn life, for I have the only thing that matters anything in the world.

Lucas.

I will always be a broken soldier.

But today, I become mended.