The Impact of You

Chapter 37

Jase

I know I should’ve come clean before now. It’s part of the reason why I didn’t let our physical relationship go too far yet. Knowing that I still hadn’t told her about my night with Stacia while we weren’t talking held me back. I know Avery won’t like it, and since we’ve agreed to complete honesty, I also know it makes me a jackass.

Once we reach my room, I shut the door behind us and turn to face her. Her hands are balled into fists, like she’s bracing herself.

“Sit down, babe.”

She looks unsure, but slips off her shoes and crosses the room to sit on the edge of my bed. I pull a deep breath into my lungs, trying to find the words to explain this mess in a way that doesn’t cause her to flip out. I sit down beside her and take her hand. It’s limp. Shit. This isn’t going to go well. “When you and I…weren’t talking…Stacia started coming around again.”

Her eyes betray her emotions, and begin to fill with tears even before I get to the heart of the story.

“We got pretty drunk one night…and um…” Shit. I can’t say it.

“Tell me,” she whispers, her voice broken.

“We didn’t have sex, but…” I pause, drawing another breath. “She sort of started to go down on me….”

Her eyes fly to mine. I remember the time that I admitted to Avery that was my favorite, and I know she’s remembering that too. I also know she’s fully aware that it’s something she and I haven’t even done together. I feel like a complete prick. I never want to see this look in her eyes again.

She swallows roughly. “I see.”

“Whistle, I’m sorry, but we weren’t talking…”

She rips her hand from mine and stands suddenly. “We weren’t talking because you didn’t want me, because you thought I was cheap and easy because of those stupid pictures. But you know what? You’re no better than I am!” She grabs her purse and slips her feet back into her shoes. “I need to go home.”

“Avery…wait…”

“Don’t touch me!” A sob breaks from her throat and she pulls out of my grasp.

“At least let me drive you home. I’ll be worried about you.”

She shakes her head. “No. I’ll call someone.” She fishes her phone out and dials. “Madison,” she sobs. “Come get me. I’m at Jase’s…Yeah.”

Avery ends the call and leaves, jogging down the stairs.

Shit fuck.

I won’t fuck this up again. I won’t wait another few weeks without talking to her, like after our last fight. I need to make this right tonight. I race downstairs after her, but she’s nowhere to be found in the sea of bodies. Heading out into the cool night air, I search the back deck, where I know she’s hidden before. But it’s occupied by a couple groping each other. Avery’s gone.

I fish my keys from my pocket and cross around the side of my house, heading straight for my car. I can’t leave things like this between us. Won’t. We’ve wasted too much time already. My car is blocked in by three cars in our driveway, and I know trying to find the vehicle’s owners will be pointless. I can’t wait.

I race across campus to her dorm, arriving breathless from the three mile jog. I have to wait for someone to let me in, but get lucky and slip in behind a group of guys returning for the night. A few minutes later, I’m knocking on her door, praying she’s going to answer.

Madison pulls the door open just a crack, her face a frown. “Yes?”

“Is Avery here?”

“She doesn’t want to see you.” She pushes the door closed, but my foot wedged in the doorframe keeps it from closing.

“I need to talk to her, please. Avery,” I call out.

Madison rolls her eyes, giving in, and lets me enter the room. “Just talk to him. I can’t handle you two,” she informs Avery.

My Whistle is curled up in her narrow bed, hugging a pillow to her chest. And she’s been crying. Pain stabs at my chest. Fuck.

Madison grabs her purse. “I’m going to Noah’s.” The door clicks behind her.

Making no move to get any closer, I just watch her. Her eyes are guarded and her hands clutch the pillow tighter.

“Avery?” I swallow the lump in my throat, praying she’ll listen to what I have to say. “Can we talk?”

“What is there to say?” She shifts on the bed so she’s sitting, but she keeps the pillow hugged to her chest, a physical barrier between us. “It’s your favorite, right? And I wasn’t giving it to you, so…” She doesn’t finish, but her eyes drop to the bed in front of her.

“Avery.” I make my move, getting as close as I dare. I kneel down at the edge of the bed, so we’re eye- level. “I am sooo sorry. That was a huge mistake. I was just feeling hurt and betrayed that you hadn’t told me, and as bad as it sounds, I didn’t care about anything else in that moment because I thought I had lost you. So when Stacia started undoing my belt…”

Avery’s hand flies up to stop me. “I don’t need a play by play. God, what’s wrong with you?”

Christ. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I just…I’m so sorry. If I could take that night back, I would. And I wanted to tell you. That night in Denver in the hotel, I wanted to tell you, but you were dealing with enough…”

She blinks up at me. “Is this why we haven’t…?”

“Gone farther physically?”

She nods.

“Yeah. I wanted to make sure everything was out in the open with us first.”

“I see.” She tucks her legs underneath her.

I want to reach for her hand. So bad. But I remain kneeling beside the bed. “Tell me what you’re thinking. Please.”

Her green gaze is piercing and cuts into my very soul. “You’re right. Finding out stuff from someone else sucks.”

I nod. And each time it’s been Stacia, which I know is particularly annoying considering she’s my ex. “I’m sorry you had to hear it from her. Everything in the future comes straight from us. No more secrets.”

She shakes her head. “You said that last time, even while you knew you should’ve told me this. How can I trust you?”

“Because. I love you, baby. You’re mine, and I’m done playing games. I’m done hurting you. I’ll give you anything and everything. I’ll keep you safe and take care of your every need.”

“Crap.” A lopsided grin graces her mouth, curving it up on one side. “Jase…” her voice has a pleading quality to it. Whatever she wants, she can have.

“What, baby? I love you.” I take her hands and bring them to my mouth, kissing the back of each one, then her wrists and palms. “It’s the God’s honest truth.”

Her smile goes wider. “I do like hearing that, but maybe if you could tell me a little more…”

“Like that I love the way you taste? The way your hair smells, and how sweet you are. I love how you burst into laughter at random times. I love how I make you blush, that my mom loves you, that you’re smart and hardworking, genuine, and so loving…” Her cheeks glow with each compliment, and I pepper kisses along her wrists and fingertips.

Her smile is full and inviting at this point. I remove the pillow from her lap and join her on the bed, so I can pull her into my arms. I’ve known for a while, but I haven’t told her. I’m not sure why, but it’s clear from her teary-eyed look that she feels the same way, even if she doesn’t say it back right now. I hold her against me, hugging her tight and loving the way her body feels against mine. Protectiveness swirls inside me and I vow not to hurt this girl again.

A knock on the door interrupts us and a second later, Madison peeks her head inside. “Is it safe to come in?”

She has Noah in tow, and they don’t wait for an answer. Avery and I separate as Madison flings her purse onto her bed and Noah flops down onto the futon. “I knew you guys would make up.”

I lean into Avery, breathing in her scent and whisper, “Sleepover at my place?”

She pulls back just slightly to meet my eyes and nods.

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