SILENT DESIRES

“Jeez, girl” Vicky said. “You say Lamar is uptight. But sometimes, you are too. Learn to loosen up a bit, girl. Since you got back, you seem different. I let you have your one year… One year of doing God knows what in God knows where. But you’re back now, and I want my friend back”Content property of NôvelDra/ma.Org.

“Yeah I’m back,” Savannah said. “But it doesn’t mean I want to watch you shack up with your boyfriend”

Victoria laughed. “Jealous much?” she asked.

“Nope I’m not jealous” Savannah replied. “I’m happy for you actually. Not easy finding true, undying love” She remembered hers which had ended a year ago and shook her head to get the thought of her head. She had promised herself she was finally going to move on.

“Just don’t rub your happiness in my face” she said jokingly, grinning at Victoria. “And definitely not in here where Lamar can just walk in anytime. You will get me in trouble too, you know?”

“Fine, fine” Victoria said. “enough with the lecture”

Savannah smiled and picked up the plates she had dropped earlier and went to drop them in the kitchen.

“By the way” she said to Victoria when she returned to the room. “Are you coming home today?”

Savannah and Victoria were best friends and roommates and Victoria had thankfully not found another roommate when Savannah left, so when she returned a week ago, she had just returned back to her old life and with Victoria’s help, they had convinced Lamar to give Savannah her job back. Which Lamar had done reluctantly, and that was one of the reasons why Savannah did everything possible to avoid getting on his bad side.

“No I’m not,” Vicky replied. “I will be spending the night at Bruce’s place”

“Wow,” Savannah said, rolling her eyes playfully. “You hardly come home nowadays. You are practically living with him. Maybe you should just move in with him and get the whole thing over with”

“Hey” Vicky said. “Don’t you dare start with me. You did worse when you were with Matt”

Savannah picked up her towel and faced Vicky. “I thought I told you that I didn’t want to hear that name ever again” she said.

“Oh please. It’s just the plain truth” Victoria said. “And please, screw this ‘don’t ever mention his name’ shit you are going through. I know he hurt you and accused you falsely. But you will never be able to move on completely from him if you don’t face it. Stop living in denial. Jeez, babe, when was the last time you… You know…. Got laid ”

Savannah gave her a look.” Ewwww. Mind your business ” she said.

” Just asking babe, ” Victoria said, not caring about the look on Savannah’s face. She continued.”And judging by the way you are uptight all the time, it seems like it’s been a really long time. I don’t need a fortune teller to tell me that”

“Screw you. I’m not having this conversation with you” Savannah said as she grabbed a tray and walked out of the room. She could hear Vicky giggling.

But that was just how her friend Vicky was. She teased a lot and it sucked most times… Especially when she knew that Vicky was right.

She didn’t want any reminders of Matt Bradford. Her brief relationship with him was her best but it had also ended horribly. The relationship had just lasted five months, but she felt they had known each other well enough to trust each other. Clearly she had been wrong… Because the moment a test of that trust came, he had accused her of sleeping with his brother. He wouldn’t even listen to her explanations no matter how much she tried. But instead he had jumped into conclusions, ended their relationship and asked her to leave. He had even gone to the extent of insulting her even more by writing a check. The audacity! The nerve of the man.

She had taken the check, but she never cashed it. It lay in her drawer now. And she didn’t even know why she was keeping it. She couldn’t stand the break up, couldn’t stand running into him, so she had left town… Went to live with a cousin for a year.

She had returned because she thought she was finally in a good place. She definitely didn’t want to see Matt, but at least she was sure she could face him now without wanting to burst into tears. But sometimes she doubted that too, because merely hearing someone mention his name brought back memories, memories she had sworn to put behind her.

And Vicky was right, because she hadn’t been able to develop any romantic interest in any other man since Matt Bradford.

She shook her head, willing the thoughts to go away. She was a little tired after her shift and she couldn’t wait to go home, take a shower and climb into bed with a good novel before getting some rest.

Savannah loved reading novels, romantic ones to be precise. Books that made her wish love that true could actually happen. And she had believed it could at a time, but now she knew that would never happen. At least for her. She knew better now.

For just a moment, Savannah had wondered if her resolution was foolish-if swearing off frivolous dating was simply a masochistic exercise that would do nothing more than keep her frustrated.

No it wasn’t. She reminded herself. She was just being careful this time. She wasn’t swearing off men, just foolish dating of the wrong sort of man. Her door was wide open to Mr. Right. Maybe later… But not now though. And Mr right seemed to be nowhere to be found. So definitely no need trying to force herself to feel something for someone.

And if she met a guy with Mr. Right potential, they’d just have to take it slow and steady. She wasn’t going to rush into a relationship like she did with Matt. That was a mistake she wasn’t going to repeat.