Sable Peak (The Edens)

Part 2 – After

I’m done waiting for you to see me.

That sentence was Vera’s gut punch. Every time I replayed last night, it hit the hardest. Or maybe it had been the kiss that had nearly knocked me off my stool.

My fingers lifted, about to touch my mouth, before I pinned my arm at my side. How was it that I could still feel her lips, soft and sweet, on mine?

Vera. Damn it.

How long had she had these feelings for me? Where the hell did we go from here?

“Morning.”

I jumped, the scalding black coffee in my mug sloshing over the rim and onto my hand.

“Sorry.” Mom stepped out of the house as I wiped my skin dry. “Thought you heard me.”

I couldn’t hear a damn thing with Vera’s voice so loud in my head.

His favorite color is blue.

He loves snap peas but only if there is ranch to dip them in.

Almost everything he buys for his daughter is purple.

“You’re up early,” Mom said, joining me at the railing on the porch.

“Yeah.” I hadn’t slept a minute and had finally given up lying in bed around three.

This morning was extreme, but I was usually up early. Like Vera had said last night, I was a morning person who drank black coffee and wore brown boots with a black belt, which apparently didn’t match.

I leaned my forearms on the top rail, staring into the distance as I sipped more coffee. This was my third cup. Or maybe it was my fourth.

The trees and meadows were covered in silver frost. A layer of clouds obscured the mountains in the distance but the sun was rising. Another couple hours, it would be up to burn off the chill.

I’d been staring at the mountains since dawn, spinning over everything Vera had said last night.

I’m not your sister.

No, she wasn’t my sister. I’d never seen her as a sister. She was … Vera.

“How was Willie’s?” Mom asked.

Awful. Absolutely fucking awful.

Mom had been awake when we’d gotten home last night, but in the rush to collect sleeping kids, bundle them up and load them into car seats, she hadn’t asked for details about the bar. Even if she had, I wouldn’t have known what to say.

So I’d kissed her cheek good night and headed to the guest bedroom where Allie had been asleep in her portable crib. Since it was her birthday, we’d planned to crash at Mom and Dad’s so they could spend time with her on her special day.

Not that I was in any mood to celebrate.

I’m done waiting for you to see me.

I saw Vera. I’d always seen Vera.

She was sweet. Strong. Her hair went wild sometimes and she’d get so annoyed she’d rake it into a ponytail with a huff that always made me chuckle. She loved cherry tomatoes. I hated them but always thought it would be weird to offer her food from my plate because that was something couples did and we weren’t a couple.

“Mateo?”

“Yeah?”

She raised her eyebrows.

Right. Her question. “Willie’s was, uh … Willie’s. It was good.”

Her eyes narrowed, no doubt smelling the lie—Mom was part bloodhound when it came to dishonesty in her children. She’d find out the whole truth soon enough. Not a soul at Willie’s had missed the moment Vera kissed me.

The blond who’d been flirting with me had been forgotten as I’d tried to chase Vera out of the bar, but Vance had stopped me with a lethal glare before I could make it outside. He’d been the one to chase after her.

Probably smart. I wouldn’t have known what to say anyway.

The party had died a quick death at that point. Without Lyla’s car, we’d only had one designated driver, so we’d crammed into Memphis’s SUV. No one had spoken on the drive to the ranch. Not to each other. Not to me.

The barn loft’s windows were dark. Vera hadn’t come home last night. She must have stayed at Vance and Lyla’s place. Was she okay?

My temples throbbed. What a damn mess. Had everyone known that she had feelings for me? Or had we all been clueless?

Mom looked past me to the barn. “Did Vera have a nice time?”

“Not really.”

She’d cried. I’d made her cry. And I couldn’t stop seeing those tears track down her face.

“What—oh.” Understanding widened Mom’s blue eyes. “It finally happened, didn’t it?”

So not everyone had been clueless. “You knew?”

“I’ve watched for years, wondering if and when you’d notice.”

“Thanks for the warning.” My voice sounded sharper than I’d intended.

“I’m sorry. I never knew what to say. I thought it would fade. Or that maybe you’d notice her too.”

“I noticed her, Mom. It wasn’t that I didn’t notice her. But I didn’t think … I didn’t know she felt that way.” Vera had been right. “I didn’t see it.”

Mom put her hand on my arm. “And now?”

I blew out a long exhale, my breath billowing in a white cloud. “Eyes wide open.”

Maybe I’d missed it because of Alaina. My daughter had been my focus, and sure, I’d dated. But a relationship? I didn’t want a relationship. Not while I was still trying to figure out how to be a single dad. Definitely not while I’d been sorting through everything that had happened with Madison.

Or maybe I hadn’t caught on to Vera’s feelings because she was … Vera.

No one had ever warned me away. Vance had never told me to keep my distance. But there’d been subtleties. At the wedding, Vera had looked so beautiful, and dancing with her had been the best five minutes of the night. I’d wanted to keep her in my arms—until Vance had cut in.

Every time I’d offered Vera a chair beside mine at family dinners, he’d asked her to sit beside him instead.

No warning. Not verbal, at least.

But I’d received the message, loud and clear.

Did he know how she felt?

Fuck. What the hell was I supposed to do now?

This wasn’t just some woman I could walk away from if things fell apart. Vera was a part of this family. It was hard to remember life before she’d come into our lives.

She had a dry sense of humor and made quiet jokes no one appreciated enough. She liked milk and sugar in her coffee. She ate mashed potatoes plain.

She made the best latte at Eden Coffee, even better than Lyla. She’d stare out a window at the mountains and it looked so much like she wanted to be anywhere but indoors.

She had the sweetest laugh, second only to Alaina’s.

She’d do anything for my parents.

She loved my daughter.

And she thought she was broken.

He won’t treat you like you’re broken, even when you are.

She wasn’t broken. Not once had I thought she was anything but strong. A warrior.

“I’m not sure what to think or what to do,” I told Mom. The last thing I wanted was to hurt Vera.

“That girl has been through hell, Mateo.”

“I know,” I murmured.

“I get the feeling we only know part of what all happened.”

I nodded. “Same.”

Mom stood straight, facing me as she raised her chin. “I love her like she’s one of my own. She needs a mother, and I’m taking the job.”

The reason Vera needed a mother was because her father had strangled her own after murdering her twin sisters. Then, Cormac Gallagher had kidnapped his oldest daughter into the wilderness and kept her there for four years until she’d finally broken free.

I was missing a lot of detail from the story, but after she’d left her father, she’d shown up on Vance’s doorstep in Idaho. A woman brought back to life. Everyone had assumed she’d died with her sisters.

The years she’d been through. The nightmare she’d endured. To say she’d gone through hell was an understatement.

“Does she ever talk about it?” I asked.

Mom shook her head. “Not a word. In the beginning, I asked questions that she didn’t answer. Every time I brought it up, she shut down. And she doesn’t ever talk about her father.”

That son of a bitch could suffer a slow death for all I cared.

Cormac had tried to kill Lyla a couple years ago. She’d gone out hiking and had stumbled across him beside a river. The motherfucker had nearly strangled her to death. It was nothing short of a miracle that he’d changed his mind about another murder and let her go.

We’d all searched for Cormac but he’d slipped away. Had Vera been with him then? Was the reason she’d left him because of what he’d done to Lyla?

Vance probably knew. Lyla too. But they weren’t talking and neither was Vera.

Vera went hiking all the time. Why? Was she searching for her father? What would happen if she found him? Would she turn him in to the authorities?

“She’s beautiful,” Mom said, like she was letting me in on a secret.

“I might be oblivious, but I’m not blind.”

Vera was beautiful. I’d thought so from the very first time she’d braved a family dinner. Any other woman and I would have chased her shamelessly.

Except she was Vera. When she’d moved to Quincy, the last thing she’d needed was a man drooling over her. So I’d just been there as a friend. The few times I’d flirted with her, she hadn’t flirted back. Unless …

Vera knew I’d been flirting, right?

I rubbed my jaw, the stubble scraping my palm. “What a mess.”

“You’ll figure it out.”

“I wish I had your confidence,” I muttered.

“I love you, Mateo. And I love Vera. No matter what, just be gentle with her heart.” She turned and headed into the house, leaving me alone on the cold porch.

Be gentle with her heart.

“Shit. What am I doing?” I dragged a hand through my hair just as a tiny voice echoed from the baby monitor in my jeans pocket.

“Daddy. Wake.”

I dumped the rest of my coffee over the porch rail, splattering it on the frozen gravel, then went inside to the guest bedroom. The moment I opened the door, a pair of little arms stretched in the air.

I picked Alaina up and settled her against my chest. “Happy Birthday, Sprout.”

Allie nuzzled her face in my neck.

“Did you sleep good?” I kissed her dark hair and bent to get her stuffed unicorn from the crib.

It was a gift from Vera that Allie was rarely without.

Allie loved Vera. Vera loved Allie. It was as obvious as a full moon on a cloudless night. That, I’d seen. So why the fuck hadn’t I noticed Vera’s feelings for me?

Mom had said she’d watched for years. Since the beginning, then.

If I hadn’t been so wrapped up in Alaina, would I have noticed too? What would I have done about it?

My stomach knotted, knowing exactly what I would have done. The man I’d been before my daughter was not the man I was today.

I would have wooed her into bed. I would have fucked it up at some point, and in the end, I would have broken her heart.

Funny how having a daughter made you think differently about the woman you were dating. About the kind of man I wanted for Alaina someday in the distant, distant future.

None of the women I’d met in the past two years had been good enough to even meet Allie. I hadn’t planned to do anything with that blond at the bar but share a drink and let her flirt with me for a while. I’d always planned on coming home alone.

I’d been coming home alone for two years.

Vera had told that blond last night that I was good at math. Yeah, I was good at math. At the moment, I’d rather be good at understanding women.

Especially Vera Gallagher.

“Go.” Allie pointed to the door. She didn’t give a damn about my internal crisis. She wanted to go.

The bed was a disheveled mess from my tossing and turning, but I ignored it to make later and headed for the kitchen.

“There’s my birthday girl.” Mom held out her arms, reaching for Allie.

Allie only snuggled deeper into my neck, her hand fisting my thermal. “Daddy.”

In the mornings, she was my girl.

“Boo,” Mom pouted, pretending to be hurt. “What if I made pancakes? Would you want me more than Daddy then?”

Allie loved Mom’s pancakes.

“That should do the trick.” I forced a smile and slid onto a stool at the island.

Mom went to work on breakfast, and I strained my ears past the clatter of pans and the sizzle of bacon.

With any luck, Vera would be home soon and we could talk. Not that I had a fucking clue what to say.

Maybe after my fourth or fifth cup of coffee, I’d figure it out.

Dad joined us a few minutes later, patting me on the shoulder on his way to kiss Mom. He filled a coffee mug and refilled mine, then played peek-a-boo with Alaina.

I’d just put her in a high chair when the crunch of gravel sounded outside.

“Be back.” I felt Mom’s gaze on my back as I rushed out.

Lyla’s car was parked beside the barn when I opened the door. She hadn’t said anything to me last night. She’d just sat in the middle row of Memphis’s SUV with a worry line between her eyebrows.

If Lyla had known about Vera’s crush, would she have warned me away?

Mom might not have missed it, but the rest of us …

Lyla would have told me, right? Talia or Eloise too. And I had to believe my brothers would have given me a heads-up.

I jogged down the steps, hustling toward the barn as the passenger side door opened and Vera stepped out.

She said something to Lyla, then closed the door.

Lyla reversed away from the barn, pausing when she saw me, but I kept on walking. So she kept on driving.

“Vera.” I jogged a few steps as she walked toward the barn’s side entrance. “Wait up.”

The fresh air always cleared my head. It made me sharper. Maybe if we talked outside, I’d figure out what to say. How to fix this.

At my voice, Vera froze. Her hand hovered in midair above the door’s handle. It took three of my long strides before she finally turned to face me.

She looked like hell. There was no flush to her cheeks. No sparkle in her pretty, brown eyes. She looked as cold as the morning air.

That look was entirely my fault.

I stopped in front of her, chest heaving as she stared past my shoulder. The sound of Lyla’s car faded in the distance.

The breeze caught a tendril of Vera’s red hair, floating it across her face. The strand skimmed her soft, pink lips. Normally, her cheeks were the same pink shade, but her skin had a white pallor today. The purple circles beneath her eyes meant we’d probably gotten the same amount of sleep last night.

She was dressed in a pair of black leggings that hugged her toned legs. The Eden Coffee sweatshirt was one she’d likely borrowed from Lyla’s closet. It hung on her slender frame. She looked … small. Too small. Like a part of her had faded away.

My arms lifted slightly, the movement unconscious, like my limbs knew she needed a hug before it had even registered in my brain. But I dropped them to my sides, my muscles locking.

She wouldn’t want me touching her, not after last night.

Her eyes flicked to mine for a second before darting away, falling to the dirt. “Can we not do this today?”

Her voice. It was as cold and lifeless as her eyes.

“You’re not broken.” That wasn’t the right place to start. An apology or anything else would be better. “Everything you said last night was right. Except that. It’s the one thing you got wrong.”

Vera wrapped her arms around her waist, her shoulders curling forward.

“You’re the most courageous person I’ve ever met, Vera. You’re not broken. When I think about your strength … if Allie gets just a fraction of that when she’s grown, I’ll be grateful.”

She squeezed her eyes shut as her chin quivered. “Please, Mateo.”

Normally, I liked how she said my name. But that empty voice. I’d do just about anything to make it stop.

I opened my mouth to apologize but nothing came out. If I said I’m sorry, it would just sound like a rejection. I wasn’t rejecting Vera.

I didn’t know what I was doing, but I knew what I wasn’t.

She stood, eyes closed, as the wind played with that tendril of hair. The morning light brought out the sprinkling of freckles across her nose.

She was beautiful. Vera had a beauty not a soul would miss.

“Will you give Allie a birthday kiss for me?” she asked.

Sad. Tired. Embarrassed. But she’d still remembered Allie’s birthday.Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org exclusive © material.

Because Vera loved my daughter. My daughter loved Vera. That meant something. That meant everything.

I’m done waiting for you to see me.

Something shifted beneath my feet like moving sand. Things in my chest, around my brain, rearranged. It was like a deck of cards being shuffled.

There was before. This was after.