Episode Thirty-Nine
Kristen’s [POV]
I didn’t know what to do. My head was in chaos, and the worst part of it was that I didn’t know how to make anything better.
I had heard the hurt in Jake’s voice when he had called me earlier it had dripped with anger, and the sting of betrayal, and I knew that I deserved his outrage.
Instead of trying to show him that I was truly sorry, however, I had misspoken and made him even angrier.
To make matters worse, he had essentially fired me, which meant I couldn’t even get through to him at work.
I had a feeling that showing up at the office would be a bad idea, so I wasn’t even going to attempt it. Which left me with no options.
My mind reeled back over the last morning when Isabelle had walked into Jake’s living room and come face to face with me.
I still got goosebumps when I thought of it. But the memory I replayed most often was when Isabelle had caught up with me in front of the elevators.
My mother and I had always had a rocky relationship, which had only worsened in my teenage years.
But regardless, I never thought she stoops this low. I never thought she’d try to sabotage me in this way, and I had to juggle my guilt with my hurt.
I paced across my living room, ignoring calls from Melody because I wasn’t ready to relate the whole story just yet.
But I did want to scream and yell and rant, and the only person I wanted to aim that anger at was the person who had set this whole thing in motion.
I didn’t even stop to convince myself against calling her. I dialed her number fast and waited to hear her voice.
“Hello, Kristen,” Mom said, sounding completely unaffected.
“How could you?” I demanded.
“How could I what?” she asked innocently. I marveled at her tone and her acting ability.
“You’re kidding, right?” I spat.
“You know exactly what you did.”
“Have you just called to yell at me, Kristen? Because I would.”
“You called Isabelle,” I interrupted.
“You told her about me.”
“She came into town, did she?” Mom asked casually, as though my anger barely fazed her.
“How could you do this to me?” I demanded shakily.
“I was trying to help you,” she had the gall to say.
“Are you high?” “You were being dishonest.”
“That’s rich coming from you,” I said.
“Isn’t that a little like the pot calling the kettle black?”
“I never claimed to be the Good Samaritan that you did.”
“You are unbelievable.”
“No, I’m trying to make a point,” she said coldly.
“Not everything is cut and dry, Kristen. Not everything is as easy as you make it seem. Sometimes things are more complicated than an outsider might judge. You should have told Jake the truth from the beginning, but you didn’t.”
“I had my reasons.”
“And, I had mine.”
“Oh, I get it,” I said, with frustration.
“So, as usual, this is all about you.”
“It’s about growing up and facing harsh realities,” she continued calmly.
“I didn’t tell Isabelle anything about you. I only mentioned that she should visit her grandson.”
“I’m sure that’s not all you said.”
“Does it matter now?” I felt tears of anger prick at the back of my eyes.
“How can you be so cruel?”
“As I recall, you did the same thing to me a few years ago,” Mom said.
“Do you remember? You tracked down Isabelle and told her about your father and me.” I was silent for a second as tears slipped free from my eyes.
“I see,” I said softly.
“So this was your revenge.”
“It’s not healthy for you to be there, Kristen,” Mom said.
“Believe it or not, I had your best interests at heart. You need to come home and stop chasing after Daphne’s life.”
“My decision to move here was not about that, at all,” I said.
“I never intended to take Daphne’s place. I came here to help…and things happened. I fell in love with Jake.”
“You fell in love with him?” she interrupted. I sighed.
“Yes.”
“Does he know that?”
“He did,” I said.
“But now it doesn’t matter because he never wants to see me ever again.” Mom was silent for a moment, so I seized the opportunity and started talking.
“Listen… I know I was in the wrong here. I’m not going to say I didn’t make mistakes. I screwed up royally, and in a way, this was my fault. I know that. Despite what you may believe, I was going to tell him the truth; I just needed to do it at the right time.
“Jake has been through so much, and he was just starting to be okay again. And now this happened, and he’s hurting all over again, and for what? So that you could teach me a lesson? So that you could prove your point? You don’t get it, do you? These are other people’s l if you’re playing with it. You played with Isabelle’s and Daphne’s life, and now you’re playing with mine and Jake’s.
“I am to blame… I wasn’t upfront with Jake, and that’s on me. But my intention was honestly to help him and his son. And that’s the difference between us.”
After my little speech, Mom was quiet for so long that I thought she’d gotten cut off.
“Hello?” I said.
“Are you still there?”
“I’m still here,” she said quietly.
“You know, you were the only real parent I had growing up,” I said.© 2024 Nôv/el/Dram/a.Org.
“And because of that relationship, I thought that we’d always be in each other’s lives. But I’ve just realized something. We don’t have to be in each other’s lives. Because this relationship is not working, Mom; I don’t think it ever really worked.”
“Wait,” she said quickly, and I heard the panic in her voice.
“Kristen…don’t go.”
“Why shouldn’t I go?” I asked.
“Because… I’m your mother,” she said, but her voice fell flat at the end of the sentence.
“Really?” I said.
“Because you never acted like my mother… Maybe because you didn’t want to be my mother in the first place.”
“That’s not true.” “No?” I said.
“Then why did you always act like I was just an inconvenience to you?”
“I was not ready to have children,” she said, at last.
“That doesn’t mean I didn’t want to be your mother.” I sighed deeply and just like that, all the fight went right out of me.
“I’m so tired of fighting you, Mom,” I said.
“I’m tired of the arguments and the tension and the stress of being around you.”
“Which was exactly why you ran after perfect Isabelle and her perfect daughter, isn’t it?” she said, taking me off guard with her tone.
“What?”
“I was never good enough for you,” Mom continued.
“And when you found out about Isabelle, you just had to be a part of their family. And then you decided to have a relationship with that girl and talk about how wonderful she was and what a saint her mother was.”
“You’re jealous?” I realized with a shock.
“They’re not your family, Kristen,” she said, refusing to answer my question.
“I’m your family.”
“Family is who you choose, Mom,” I said firmly.
“And you don’t choose me, is that it?” I sighed.
“You will always be my mother,” I said, at last.
“But we have to face the fact that we’re two very different people and we may never see eye to eye. I’m never going to be the most important thing in your world, and I’m never going to approve of all your choices. That’s just…the way it is.”
“Are you ever going to accept my relationship with your father?” she asked.
“At least now that there’s no other woman in the picture?” I frowned.
“How do you know?”
“What?”
“How do you know you’re the only woman in the picture, Mom?” I asked.
“I’m not trying to be cruel; I’m honestly curious. If Ted could cheat on his wife for years, then what makes you think he’s not going to do the same to you?”
“Because Ted and I… We’re soul mates, Kristen.” I sighed.
“If that were true, he would have left Isabelle for you a long time ago. Isabelle divorced him years ago, and he still hasn’t married you.”
“Neither one of us wants to get married.”
“I’m glad,” I said.
“I honestly think that’s the smartest decision you’ve made so far…not that you’ll agree with my reasoning, but still.”
“I wish you’d give your father a chance.”
“He’s my father in name only,” I said harshly.
“And he always will be. I’m never going to want to have a relationship with him.”
“Kristen” “I have to go now,” I said, cutting her off.
“Wait”
“Mom,” I said firmly.
“Please, just leave things as they are, okay? I’m not coming home. And, I’m also done letting you control my life. I’m happy here, and I’m staying.”
“Are you going to stop talking to me now?”
“No,” I said, after a small pause.
“I may not pick up every time, but I will still keep in touch with you.”
“You promise?” “I promise,” I agreed.
“I suppose that’s something.”
“Goodbye.”
“Kristen?” I suppressed a sigh.
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry…for butting into your life and ruining things between you and Jake.” It was the first apology I’d ever gotten from her, and it made me feel a little lighter.
“I… Thank you,” I said, deciding to be gracious.
“I hope he gives you a second chance.”
“Goodbye, Mom,” I said. I stood in my apartment, staring at my phone for a minute.
It wasn’t by any means a transformative conversation, but it left me with a strange sense of ease that could only come with enlightenment.
Mom and I had come to an understanding.
We were not going to get along, but we would always try to stay in touch, even if it was only to touch base. It was by no means a perfect situation, but under the circumstances, it was the best-case scenario.
I walked to my room and opened my desk drawer. I pulled out the letter that had brought me to San Diego and gave it a read for the hundredth time in months.
I practically had it memorized, but I still needed to see Daphne’s words from time to time.
It was a reminder, as well as a shield of armor, a paper shield to be sure, but a shield nonetheless.
Still, I didn’t want to cause any more damage.
Jake was hurting enough, and if I pushed, then I would end up hurting Noah, as well. If Jake wanted space, then that was exactly what I would give him.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered to no one in particular.
“I’m so sorry.”