Beneath the Surface

Jax

On the way back home I can’t wipe the smile off my face. Today is the best day I’ve had in a long, long time. We played football in the back yard for hours, and then went inside to watch some on TV. Dex seemed to really enjoy the sport after Lexie taught him how to throw. None of us knew that he didn’t know or somebody would have showed him already. Jason and Justin really enjoyed themselves. I loved watching Lexie and the boys getting along with the people I consider my family. I haven’t talked to my actual family in years because they took Braden’s side in what happened. I understand them wanting him around so they could know their grandchild, but they didn’t have to always be on my ass to forgive him. That isn’t going to happen. I can’t believe they even expected me to! My parents only live about fifteen minutes away from me but I haven’t seen them in about three years. Braden and Nicole live in town too. I saw them in town once about a year ago, but I left before they saw me. I don’t have any contact with any of them.

I’m actually glad I didn’t stay married to Nicole. I know now that while I might have loved her I wasn’t in love with her. Not like I am with Lexie. It was never this easy with Nicole. I stayed with her for so long more out of habit than love. While I realize this now I still don’t forgive her. What she did was wrong no matter what. Cheating is wrong. Period. It wouldn’t have been nearly as painful for me if she would have just left me, and then got with my brother after our divorce. Even though it would have been awkward, I could have handled that. I could have looked past it. I can’t however look past thinking I’m having a child only to find out it’s not mine. I can’t look past walking in on my brother and my wife.

I look over at Lexie. God I hope we work out. I hope she agrees to marry me when I ask. While I think I would have been fine if Nicole had left me I do not think I’d be fine if I lost Lexie and the boys. What would I do if she left me and didn’t want anything to do with me when her and the boys live right next door? How would I handle seeing them and not being able to be around them?

***********

Lexie

After the boys are asleep I walk out on the back patio and find Jax staring off into space while drinking a beer. I sit down on his lap and wrap my arms around his shoulders. “What are you thinking so hard about?”

He looks at me with a strange expression on his face, and I start to get worried. Is something wrong? Everything seemed fine today so why does he seem strange now?

“I love you, Lex.”

I almost sigh in relief but I hold it in. I feel a grin take over my whole face, and lay my head on his shoulder as he wraps his arms around me. I whisper into his shoulder, “I love you too, Jax.” I feel his body relax, and I realize he must have been nervous of my reaction. I can’t believe he was worried. I was halfway in love with him before he ever even kissed me. He’s an amazing man, and I realized that even when he was being rude. I knew it was only his issues with women that were causing him to act that way. I’ve felt safe around him from the very beginning. I’ve felt some kind of connection that I still don’t understand every time. I looked into his amazing green eyes.

I really do love him. I know it is fast, and I know most people won’t understand it. Hell, I don’t really understand it myself. I just know that I do love him, and when he’s with us everything feels right.

Since we’ve been together I’ve seen another side of him. He’s kind, caring, and loving. He’s not holding himself back anymore. I’ve watched him grow closer to the boys, and watched how he changed around them.

All the sudden he grips my thighs and stands up with me in his arms. He walks through the sliding glass door and sets the alarm before heading up the stairs.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going to make love to you.”

“We can’t wake up the boys.”

“Well I guess you better be quiet then.” He smirks at me as he walks through my bedroom door and closes it quietly before locking it.

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I walk out of the bathroom after getting rid of the condom, and slide back in bed with her. “Dammit I wanted to go slow and sweet this time!” Lexie actually laughs at me with her head laying on my chest.

“Yeah well slow and sweet wasn’t working for me.”

Yeah it didn’t work for either of us. I had wanted to make love to her and be sweet and gentle this time, but as soon as the bedroom door closed we attacked each other just like last time. I actually made it to the bed this time though so that’s improvement. Every time she grabs my hair and kisses me I just lose control completely. It doesn’t bother me losing control this time. I realize that it’s just the effect this woman has on me and there is nothing I can do to stop it. So I might as well embrace it.

I wrap both arms around her and pull her as tight against me as I can get her. “Can I spend the night?” She nods. “Just don’t let the boys see you leaving my room in the morning and it should be fine.” I lay there for a second thinking how much I wish this could be my life every night. I swore I would never be with another woman and here I am thinking about how soon I can marry her. My body and heart have wanted her for a couple months, after my talk with Brett and getting my mind on the same page everything just fell into place. I’m going ring shopping one day this week. I’ll wait about a month or so to ask her. I’ll give her and the boy’s time to get used to us being together, but I want to have the ring. I roll toward her and pull her to my chest. I whisper into her hair, “Goodnight baby, I love you.”

“Love you too.”