A Game Of Temptation

Janice, my next door neighbour, was just coming out of her apartment by the time I stepped out of the elevator.

Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw me, her smile warm and welcoming. “Laura, you’re back!” She hurried over to hug me. “I don’t even have to ask how your vacation went because you’re basically glowing. How are the newly wedded couple?”

She knew who Balery was because the latter visited me a lot, and she also knew about the wedding that had taken place last month.

“They’re great. How’s Will?”

“He’s doing great.” She tilted her head in the direction of the elevator. “I was just about to go pick him up from school actually.”

“Oh, don’t let me keep you then.”

Janice was a single mom, and Will, a chubby cute little thing with his mom’s eyes and a head full of curly hair, was her son.

She smiled, squeezing me in a hug once more before hurrying down the hallway. “So glad you’re back, Laura!”

I dumped my bag in my living room and instantly sighed, breathing in the familiar smell of the place-and maybe also dust. I was going to have to do a lot of cleaning and unpacking, but I backed out of the house still, locked it and took the elevator down.

There was somewhere I needed to be first.

The white and cream coloured bungalow I stood in front of would probably always give me mixed feelings for as long as I lived. At first, it bathed my stomach in warmth, like a ray of sunlight had touched my insides, then the feeling of warmth would disappear and my stomach would twist and turn, like it was filled with acid instead.

And why wouldn’t the sight of the house make me feel conflicting emotions when I’d seen the only person I loved at their happiest, only for that happiness to be snatched away, taking the victim’s soul and in its place, the shell of the woman I once knew.

The shell of Elena Heartfield, also known as my mother.

Jo was the first to see me.

She was standing outside, speaking on the phone so she didn’t see me at first because her attention was elsewhere. But as I drew closer to the house, her head lifted and her eyes collided with mine-so did her body, when she’d finally gotten over the shock of seeing me.

It wasn’t like me to show up unannounced and I hadn’t visited in a while, hence the surprise.

“Laura! Oh my God, why didn’t you say that you were coming? I would have baked. Maybe enough for you to take some back home.” She pulled away from me, looking like she genuinely felt bad, which brought a smile to my face. The first real one I’d had all day.

She was such a sweet soul.

“It wasn’t planned.” I lied to make her feel better. “I arrived not up to an hour ago and I needed to see a friend who lives in the area, so I just decided, since I’m already here, why not check up on you guys?”

She nodded slowly and hiked her thumb over her shoulder. “She’s in the kitchen.” Why wasn’t that surprising? “I’ll be in soon. I just need to see this call through.”

“Of course. Take your time.” I gave her shoulder a light squeeze as I passed.

The sight of mom sitting on a stool and staring out the kitchen window sent a sharp pain through my chest. The cause of the pain wasn’t the fact that she was sitting on a stool. It was what she was doing.

She was drifting.

From this world into another where she had everything her heart desired. Everything she wished she had everyday, and try as I might to be mad at her that she couldn’t just take what she had and make peace with it, I couldn’t because I, too, was coming to realise that sometimes, no matter what we got, what we thought we had, it would never really be able to fill the absence in our lives that we so desperately wanted to fill.

“Mom,” I croaked.

No response.

I drew closer and tried again. “Mom.”

She might as well be in another dimension-which she undoubtedly was-because she didn’t shake or show any signs that she knew there was someone else in the room. She still stared out the window, unmoving.

A heavy lump formed in my throat as I went over to her and tapped her lightly on the shoulder. I withdrew my hand quickly when she jerked violently and whipped her head around, confusion and surprise written clearly all over her features.

“Laura?” She asked, surprised. “You’re here?”

I didn’t trust myself to speak so soon, so I simply nodded.

“How on earth are you here? I didn’t even know you had arrived.”Belonging © NôvelDram/a.Org.

Bracing my hands on the island, I leaned back against it. “Came back about an hour ago.”

She nodded and we just stood there, staring at each other.

I was a mirror image of my mom, with her dark hair, small and curvy frame, grey eyes, lips, and even the shape of her face. From the back, she could easily be mistaken for me, if for the little differences.

The lines in her face, the dullness of her eyes, the tightness around her mouth, the signs of grey starting to show in her hair, and the overall air of weariness she carried herself with.

Seeing her in this light terrified me. To know that she had once been like me; young, happy and full of life, only to have everything sucked out of her so completely in the span of years. In just four years, she had aged more than she had in her entire life.

It scared me to think that what happened to my mother could happen to me if I wasn’t careful and I would end up being her-soulless and bitter.

Today was my first seeing her in a very very long time.

I should be happy to see her.

But I couldn’t summon an ounce of happiness from inside me. All I felt was anger and hurt. So much hurt.

There were a lot of things I could say to her right now. That I’d missed her. That I wanted to organise a day for us to spend quality time together. That I fucking loved her. But I couldn’t bring myself to say either of those things. The words stayed trapped inside my throat and the only thing that managed to come out was:

“How did your visit with the doctor go?”

Her face shuttered. “I told you. It was fine.”

Yes, she did. But lately, I was beginning to realise that I had better chances trusting a snake than her.

“Can I see the report?”

She stood up straighter. “What for? I already told you what he said. Do you think I’m lying to you?”

Yes. Maybe.

I rubbed my eyes, shaking my head. “No, mom, it’s not that. I just want to see-”

“It’s my report. My body.” She snapped, eyes narrowing. “You have no right to demand to see it.”

Except that I paid for it.

Her defensiveness and harsh tone brought an unwelcome rush of tears to my eyes and I had to keep my eyes open for fear that if I blinked, they would fall.

I hated this. I hated crying, I hated feeling, and I hated my mom for making me feel like this.

Wrapping my arms around myself, I said, “I don’t want to fight, mom.” I hated the way my voice cracked on the last two words.

Mom looked away. She’d never been able to stand the sight of tears-or emotions in general. Another thing I got from her.

“Then don’t,” she muttered, but I heard the catch in her voice. The situation was getting to her too.

Before I could say anything else, Jo bounded into the kitchen, the ball of light to the darkness that was me and my mother.

“Laura, you have to tell me all about Miami,” Jo fitted her hand through mine. “I want to visit, but until then, I’ll settle for living vicariously through you.”

My throat felt too tight for me to swallow. There were so many feelings bottled up inside me that I just wanted to scream until I felt marginally better, but I couldn’t. Not in front of my mom and definitely not in front of Jo.

So I swallowed everything back down, no matter how hard it was, and turned to Jo with a forced smile, doing what I did best.

Pretending.